


Art of Letting Go

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pastel Dan, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, confused phil, depressed teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-15 20:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5798482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"People say that if you love something let it go, I think that's bullshit. Why should I let the people I love go when it just means you'll be alone when their gone."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is sad. i'm not british. they're all 18 in this. i made stuff up to so. mind the grammar

Dear Charlie,

I'm writing this because my therapist says that's it's there's a lot on my mind. Which is true I do have a lot on my mind but I just what to sit and talk about with a woman I don't even know. 

I went to your funeral today. We all went actually. Me, Phil, Pj, and Chris. I didn’t recognize anyone there. Maybe it was just family and us. Family and friends of the dead person who’s now six feet underground in a coffin. fun times right? I don't want you to be dead. That's probably hard to believe but I'm not ready to to let you even though that's all this therapist tells. (sorry if you're reading this Dr. Carol. People say that if you love something let it go, I think that's bullshit. Why should I let the people I love go when it just means you'll be alone when their gone? I guess that's why there are only three of them left because the universe is telling me to let go. "I hate funerals." Chris said. “They're just so sad." 

"I thinks that's the point." I replied. "Why do you think he didn't talk to us about?" Phil asked, who was holding tightly on my hand. “Did he say anything to you?” He asked me.  "No." I told them and it was the truth. When we were dating he had never said anything about being depressed but then again I'm not the person to talk to about things like that. "He never said anything about it to me." I pulled my hand out of Phil's grip and stuck it in my coat pocket.

I didn't feel like handing his hand at your funeral. Because I feel it's the worse betrayal I could ever do. Holding the boy I love's hand at my ex-boyfriend's funeral. Your were my boyfriend for about six months until we broke up two weeks ago and you were our friend about 2 years. I thought you were doing fine, Charlie. We all did. You got a new boyfriend and seemed happy but you always said that doesn't always mean people are okay. I talked to your parents there, they don't seem to hate their son 's ex-boyfriend. I didn't think they liked me. Did you not tell them why we broke up? I'm not think they were nice because they liked me. I was never the nice or liked one out of our friends, that was always you. I told them things people usually told other people who have had someone dead. That I was sorry and that you were a great person.

And the thing was, I was sorry and you were a great person but I couldn't think of anything else. "Well even if he did tell us, I don't think it would have made a difference." Pj said, his arm looped with Chris'. "We aren't really pros when it comes to dealing with this type of thing." 

"We still could have tried to help him." Phil replied. But who’s to say that might have work, I thought. Who’s to say that if I didn’t fall in love with Phil, then maybe he would still be alive. Who’s to say that if I did say ‘I love you too’ to him then maybe he’d still be alive. No one and I may just always feel guilty for your death. I guess that's I choose you to write too even though you'll never write back. “Are you okay?” Phil asked. He brushed his figure tips against the back of my hand and shivers ran up my back. "I’m not my ex-boyfriend’s funeral, what do you think?” I snapped at him and his face fell. “Okay, well I’ll leave to your morning.” I watched Phil walk away and I didn’t feel any better.  

It sucks loving someone that doesn’t love you back but I guess you other understand. You chased after me while I chased after him. Maybe we weren’t as different as I thought. 

Until the next time I write, 

Dan

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm writing this on my phone and it's a journal entry so it's going to be short. hope you enjoy


	2. Two.

Dear Charlie,

Aiden threw a party last night and I sat in my room, pretending like I didn't existed. Everyone says I should get out more  but I just don't want too.  I’m happy or that’s just what I kept telling myself. I have friends that I like and they get me so that all I need. Sort of. It’s been two weeks since your funeral and talk about your death as stop a little bit. Every once in a while I’ll here someone talk about it but it never last long. It’s usually like ‘what happen to that charlie kid’ and then ‘dude he kill himself a couple weeks ago’ then the other person goes ‘oh’. End of conversation.

I’m kind of glad it did though. Every time I heard your name and something about your death, the guilt inside me continue to grow.  But hey that's what writing this is for. I told Phil that I felt guilty about you. We spent the night talking about it. Well talking then crying then talking again. (it's was mostly me crying.) "It's okay." Phil said as I sobbed into his lap. He ran his hand through my hair. "I got you something."

"What?" I asked, looking up from his lap. He reached out from his bag and pulled out a flower crown. I hadn't worn one since the funeral. It was hidden under my bed with everything else from you. You had given it to me. This one of was covered with little blue flowers. My favorite. "I know you won't put on the one he gave you so I figured you would this one." I sat up and Phil placed it on my head. He smiled that stupid perfect smile, “There you are,” Phil said. “All fixed and perfect.” Phil kissed me on the forehead and my heart fluttered. I sniffle and thanked him for it. I asked him if he would go I get us some ice cream and he nodded his head, "Sure I'm be back in a second." 

When Phil left, I took a deep breathe and felt like some of the wait had lifted off my shoulders.It was nice talking about it with him. I still didn't tell him that I loved him. I wanted to though. He was there for me until he went to get us ice cream. I waited for him to return with the ice cream but after 5 minutes I went looking for him. I found him talking to Carrie and my heart broke. I shut the door and sank down into floor. I forget he wasn't mine to keep. I don’t feel like writing anymore.

Until the next time I write, 

Dan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that it's so sad and that I made dan whiny


End file.
